It’s a phrase that comes up at least once with every client, if not in every session.

The moments that prompt it?

“I underestimated how much time it would take.”
“It feels really uncomfortable to think about making a change.”
“So much is uncertain and I’m not sure what to do.”
“I’m scared to put stuff out there.”
“I’m trying my best!”

Like my own past experience running marathons and triathlons, I see a common scenario that people tend to hold themselves to a different – often higher – standard than they hold others. In the polycrisis that we’re living in, very few people have the time and energy to be critiquing one another, so why do we critique ourselves? 

Like many behaviors, perhaps it can be linked to our survival. When we know our vulnerabilities or those of others, it secures our position in a social hierarchy. Our brains are wired to notice what’s “off” or “wrong” in a situation, including our own behavior. Criticism might arise from the same neural circuits that evolved to keep us alert to danger or unpredictability. The fear of not being “enough” theoretically helped us stay included as we evolved.

The problem?
What once helped us survive or feel safe becomes the very thing that holds us back from thriving. While I know the compulsion to be flawless, it tends to be a self-sabotaging belief.

That’s why I like to remind my clients that they’re human, too. 

What helps to overcome such limiting thoughts and beliefs? 

Exploring, re-framing, naming, talking back… there are many practices that can rewire old habits, and that’s where the humbling work of client-centric work begins. We figure out on an individual basis what shifts can support the client to move forward. Sometimes, simply (or not so simply) acknowledging the presence of such beliefs can be a shift in itself. It’s hard, yet fulfilling, introspection.

The invitations below, inspired and adapted from my card deck prototypes, offer you an opportunity to start the introspection.

And What Else:

Explore these questions, and embrace the challenge to dig deeper, asking what else might be relevant to answer. 

• Honor Yourself: What could you give yourself credit for doing, rather than not doing?
• Explore Curiously: What are the moments when you tend to push yourself perhaps too hard?
• Foster Trust: Who or what can you connect with to remember you’re human, too?
• Shift Perspectives: How would your life be different without criticism?
• Clarify Decisions: Which direction is forward for you?
• Empower Action: What possible changes might support you to move forward?

Nuggets of Work-Life

Every coaching session and workshop closes with acknowledging learnings, insights, and moments of celebration. Here are a few of my recent nuggets:

• The first users of the And What Else? card deck all love the design and paper choice, though people have varying preferences for choosing cards. Some like the element of randomness, while others prefer to choose based on categories or personal needs at the moment. While all the physical copies are claimed, digital testing is still available; if you’re interested, DM me.
• I joined Fired Up, a Berlin-based coaching collective that provides free coaching to unemployed people. My journey is coming full circle. If you know someone in Germany who is unemployed, feel free to put me in touch. (It’s *free* for the coachees!)

• I’m preparing two courses for TranslaStars in May: “Reinventing Your Localization Career” (free) and “People Management in Localization“. Both courses support professionals in the translation industry to adapt and grow. Feel free to forward the invitation to someone you know.

• Just yesterday, the Growth Support podcast released an episode where we talked about supporting employees as a #1 business strategy. Listen here, and let me know what resonates.

Practice Makes … Space for More Practice

• A pastime: spring in Berlin is bringing our yard (Garten) to life, and I’m simultaneously enjoying the indulgence of Sue Stuart-Smith’s “The Well-Gardened Mind.” My favorite insight so far: the first photoreceptor that developed evolutionarily is the one sensitive to light reflected from green plants.
• A recipe: it’s my birthday month, coinciding with Easter, and 8 years since I ran the Boston marathon. I gift you: this carrot cake recipe from Flour, one of all of my favorite bakeries in Boston.
• A movement: the world is rather… worldly lately. If you notice yourself feeling tense, here are a few simple practices to support relaxation:
  • Unclench your jaw, lower your shoulders away from your ears, and focus on exhaling.
  • Five finger breathing: Place the pointer finger of your dominant hand on the edge of your other thumb. Trace the outline of your hand with your finger. Breathe in as you move up each finger, and breathe out as you trace down into your palm.

Ways to Engage and Support

The coaching profession will celebrate International Coaching Week in May.

Have you ever worked with a coach? Consider trying some of the pro-bono (free coaching!) offerings to expose yourself to coaching. There are dozens of coaching styles and offerings from around the world. Even for folks who read this newsletter as family or friends and aren’t ethically a fit to work with me, supporting the coaching profession supports me (and you!), too.

In joy,
Stephen